I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans

My cousin inspired me that I shouldn't only have a news year resolution. So, I am planning a monthly resolution because I am going to be more likely to achieve my goal. My number one goal is to lose 5 lbs a month. If its higher than great but I will not settle for less. Ever since I moved I have been feeling like poop. It is time for a drastic change for the sake of my health and body figure. I haven't really mentioned this to people but lately I have been doing about 700 stairs up and down to help me get back in shape. I have never noticed how bad I got. I thought my lungs and whole body was going to burst. The more I do it the better I feel (though I didn't lose any weight.) So possible bikini body for summer here I come . <3

I wish no one in my place.

I am defiantly having one of "those" days today. It all started at 530 am when I was awaken from my deep sleep because I had a major muscle cramp. Even after going back to bed I only was able to sleep in until 9 (which is not sleeping in). Thinking I was off to a rough start I figured I would make the most of the day. I started doing my laundry and came upstairs to take my medicine shake. I had the smart idea to use boiling water to dissolve the medicine faster. As I went to shake it all up the lid popped off and I spilled the boiling water all over myself and burned my hand and part of my stomach. Since my clothes were in the washing machine I could not change out of my disgusting, wet clothes. My cousin then came to pick me up to go to the mall called square 1 I walked around for three hours and did not buy one single thing. GAH. Shopping was my plan to feel better, not worse. So on the ride home I start feeling kinda funky,yupp, I now am sick with a stomach ache and a sore throat. To make myself feel better I went to make some tea and pasta. Once the pasta was done I pored the sauce in and just my luck, the sauce was moldy. Back to my room I was so tired I could not focus on studying and check my marks only to find out I failed my first major assignment. I really want to vomit right now because I am so aggravated. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am having a HORRIBLE day.

After a day I got perfectly right.

If you haven't noticed before, Brand New is my absolute favourite band. They have such great talent. Last night, I seen Brand New live for the very first time. I would just like to say that it was the most amazing concert I have ever been to. Rosina and I waited outside in line for three hours in the freezing cold so that we were up front. Though people did cut us in line we still managed to snag a front row spot. The first two bands were mediocre and I just wanted to see Brand New. Once they begun whatever room I had was gone, squished up against the steel bars people started getting "irritated". Everybody at the front was squished but these people thought that it was just because of me shoving. I would just like to point out i was more stuffed than them and I am only 5'2 the girls bf who decided to push everyone was approx. 6'4. Really? The best part is when Ro basically bitched her out. Though they managed to block our view Brand New played amazingly. The wait, the stuffiness and the bitch could not have ruined this day for me. Jesse Laceys voice sounds so smooth and poetic. He can calm a crowd by just staring deep in everyones eyes. Best concert hands down.

Jesse Lacey 11/21/09 <3

Just as I am

These are my confessions and its now or never. Yeah, Glee is radical. I am sitting here while lying in bed wanting to sleep but not. I know that probably makes no sense. I mean lets put it think way I am tired and have to get up in the morning, but I can't help but feel like I should be reading hundreds of pages of MLIA or Textsfromlastnight. I officially have no life. But I am counting down the days I can get a credit card and lottery tickets. To those who are interested, Technically in a little over 24 hours I will be 18. Well, now I might as well start saying some confessions considering that is how I started the blog today.

1.I really do hate peas
2.I have noticed over the years I have had a thing for guys with blond hair and blue eyes <3
3. I don't consider myself original, I tend to pick up on things from someone really quickly and not even mean too.
4. I have to coolest dreams
5. I am shallow and selfish
6. I am pretty rad, so that makes me cocky too.
7. I am really nice....most of the time :)
8. I think that my English is getting worse everyday.
9. Bite my nails, crack my fingers, and split my ends
10. I want someone I could just hug forever.
11. "Can anybody find me somebody to love" <3
12. I have a hard time lying
13. I love iced tea
14.I really wanna send a banana to someone.
15. I am a virgin for life
16. I wanna save the world but whenever I get the chance I don't have the nerve to try
17. I am weird
18. I have a butt chin
19. Wish I could sing and become a famous actress.
20. I DAYDREAM ABOUT ME BEING ATTACKED AND THEN BEING SAVED BY A BOY

Take all these things and we bury them fast

I waste all my time just thinking of you.

So, I think I am becoming slightly obsessed with a boy. To bad he doesn't know I exist. I know it is quite pathetic but I can't help but feel like I know him. He has the most beautiful blue eyes that sparkle. If you look deep enough I swear they tell you a story. His hair has the perfect "swoosh" that shapes his pulchritudinous face. I lay down at night wishing I could just find him and talk to him. I know I am a creep. When he talks its a rhythm so soft and tender. Words come out of his gentle lips flowing sweetly through my ears. Whenever he smiles my heart feels like its twisting around. So far he is the last person I think about before I go to bed and the first person I think about when I wake. This obsession is invading mind. Bradley James I am in lust with you. Stupid celebrities half way around the world. <3.

Everything you own starts to pile up.

Dear Blog, I am sorry for ignoring you. Weeks keep passing and passing but I still feel like Christmas break is not coming soon enough. I have never spent so much time in a library. Night after night I study and study, it doesn't feel like I am getting anything done. Well, I can tell you where your intercostal spaces are, how to take blood pressure, and fancy names for different illnesses. I had my first midterm today, English, ugh. I am hoping I did well but I can never tell with that class, so far English = lowest mark. Tomorrow I have a statistics midterm. I have been studying for that the past week.

Collect calls to home.

So, busiest week of my life. I feel like a total nerd, in a good way of course. School is finally getting better. I actually met new people who are really nice and I'm actually keeping up with homework, surprising eh? Well, I better be keeping up with my homework I am at the library till about 10pm everyday. Told you I was a nerd. I went to Windsor this weekend and I am just going to say that it went by way to fast. I mean it was pretty radical I kinda felt praised, parents made all my favourite meals with dessert if I may add, friends were radical I missed them terribly. I am really glad that everything is going by so fast so far. I mean look September is almost over !! New Brand New CD is out today and I plan on buying it tomorrow.

A fantastic way to kill some time.

So LOST. No,no. Not lost, LOST. This has been the only thing in Hamilton that is keeping me sane! I can watch this show until it's too late to be even awake.Seriously, I just need to discuss where I am. *got this from RO*

1.Jocn Locke is a crazy MOFO.
2.Claire has gone insane.
3.Kate should really pick between Jack and Sawyer because she is hurting both of them.
4. I have faith that Jack will get better.
5. Daniel Farrday is RADICAL, love his voice.
6.Kamey is really hot, unfortunalty he is a bad guy.
7.Ben gets me mad.
8.Hugo makes me laugh so hard.
9.Sawyer is softening up, I miss him being hardcore.
10.I wish I was LOST.

lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

Now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.

Pet peeves.

I send a text message, I don't get a message back.

I send an email, I don't get emailed back.
They call someone else before they call me.

I know they read them.

Luckily, it was a small misunderstanding. I love my best friends but I get worried to easily.

The pen, the page, the paper.

Ah, college. Where should I even begin? Well, I am an outcast. Sorta. Paying attention in class is so hard when all you do is dream. The classes go by extremely slow and I don't exactly talk a lot; surprisingly. The first day was kinda a blur. I just remember waking up going to school and then hitting the mall and then sleeping, sorta. Today was more rememberable. I got to school thinking I wish there was someone here with me. I sat outside punching each number/ letter into the phone trying to send out some kind of S.O.S. Some say texting I say stupid invention. My plea for help had to wait though because classes had finally begun. Anatomy from 930-1130. I think I was grateful for this short class today. Unfortunately, it didn't go by fast enough. Did you know that most medical terms are in Latin and you have to have them memorized in order to actually do well? Yay me for picking the program that you also need at least 70% in order to pass. After class I went to go hand in my CPR and wait for at least a half hour. After me an a couple girls from my class decided to study and do homework. Ugh, I repel homework. I decided to take a little study break and go home and clean up a bit. Right as I got to my room my cousin calls me up to tell me shes picking me up to go uniform shopping. Okay I am forewarning all of you now... if you every need scrubs, do not get unisex. I'm just gonna say I look really disproportionate. Then the mall. Dun dun dunnnnnn I decided to basically be dumb and buy pants that cost $100. I mean really. So after shopping I went back to the library and studied until about 10. I have no life. HA. I guess this is college.

P.S- I am getting very frustrated my "n" key keeps getting stuck. Gah.

This dark and quiet bed felt like the middle of nowhere

I'm am sitting here eating my chocolate covered pretzels thinking that today got a little more interesting. First things first, I realized that sleeping has to be one of the worst parts about being in my room. It gets so abnormally hot in the attic and when I wake up its cold. I got out of bed thinking this was going to be a long day, I could just feel it. After walking to the bus stop I made a very good assumption about Hamilton drivers; they always get mad at the pedestrians, even if they are the ones being ignorant. I was walking across the street and some guy was making a left turn it was my turn to walk even if the hand did just starting flashing red. He decides to turn anyway and not stop even though clearly I am still walking in his lane. He starts throwing his hands up and yelling and I'm thinking what an a**hole its my turn. Waiting for the bus took what seemed like forever so I decided to cross back and just walk to the school. Just my like, right after I crossed the street the bus came and left. So that 20 minute walk to school was being dreaded but at least it wasn't snowing or raining. While I was walking a car needed to turn and was waiting for me but I waved him to go first he just threw up his hands and starts arguing inside his car. I mean c'mon really? Anyways I finally got to the school to pick up some used books and the girl selling them to me comes in and told me we have to walk to her car and I'm thinking sure why not. Turns out she parked 15 minutes away in the other direction up and down hills. Let me just say that the back of my ankles bled until the back of my white sock turned red. At least she was nice and helped me carry the books back to the school. I needed to also pick up my OSAP. I think I walked up and down those stairs at least 7 times trying to find out where the student center is. P.S they have an elevator I am just to dumb to see it. Remember how I said I couldn't get the books until today? Well, the student was wrong and I could have gotten them all week. So, the bus home was quick and I just went to my room and sat with the fan right in my face. Hungry, I went downstairs and felt like pierogies. Trust me this is good. I start frying them on the pan and something smells like a pine tree burning, silly me I was thinking it was just the olive oil in the pan. The smell just got stronger and stronger and then the pan started smoking really bad. I'm looking at the pan thinking where is the smoke coming from. I shut off the burner and see what was causing all the smoke. I am a total idiot so don't judge me. On the burned was a pan sized sticker. I forgot to take off the label of my new frying pan. I mean really why would they put a sticker on the bottom of the frying pan? I am pretty sure it would be safer putting it in the middle or side. So, basically I opened the door and flapped around a hand cloth so that the smoke could be aired out of the kitchen. Note to self: cook with caution. I am starting to think that my life is full of unfortunate events but I can defiantly say that those events make me laugh at myself.

So here's a present to let you know I still exist

I know I haven't wrote in a while but really, what is there to write about when you isolate yourself in your room. So my first week here has been... simple for lack of a better word. I lay in my room for hours at a time watching lost and reading midnight sun. No wonder why I have been having headaches everyday. The last few days I have been going out a little. I had orientation at the college and I pretty much felt left out. Everybody had someone to talk to so I just basically sat there quietly. I walked 20 minutes to the college again yesterday to do OSAP and I forgot my banking information so I came home and went back to hand it in. Turns out I cannot get OSAP until Friday. I also found out where the grocery store is and the bank. Other than that, I sit up in my room wishing I knew somebody to hang around with and talk to. I Miss Windsor so much. Though, I know I won't miss Windsor's garbage. Hamilton is CRAZY about recycling. One garbage bag per household. I will post a picture of my student i.d card when I get the chance. Let me just say it is repulsive.

The act becomes the art of growing up

Moving day... I have been dreading this day for the last month. It feels so unreal. I just want to walk down the stairs and see my parents and sisters walk out the door at sit at Kelsos house. Its weird. I went to Kelsos right before we left to say my goodbyes for now. I'm going to miss her so much it is not even funny. I need her "like water in my lungs". Why couldn't this be easier? Unpacking took what seemed like forever. Boxes everywhere. The positive side is that I had to up and down the stairs constantly so I probably lost one of the two pieces of ice cream cake I had last night. Another plus side is that my roommates are really nice. although, a small downside was that I accidentally crazy glued my fingers together. Word of advise, don't do that. After my parents left though it hit me. There not coming back to see me everyday and they aren't going to be here when I get home from school. I think this was the hardest I cried in my whole life. I don't think I really got out of bed. I'm sinking like a stone in the sea. I miss everybody but it is the first step in growing up; growing apart.

And I blame myself because I make things hard

So, I would basically like to say that today was officially one of the worst days of my life so far. I am not one to usually see the negative side but today wasn't one of my better days. It is the day before I move and I left everything to the last minute. This morning I woke up early to go see my Nonna and eat breakfast. That wasn't bad at all but I am feeling the need to add everything in, good and bad. I then went to the mall to finish my last minute shopping and buy a backpack. As I got into my car I thought to myself that I am really glad I won't be driving anymore because I am scared of getting into a car accident. So I go to work thinking that it's my last day so I was going to slack off. That was until I found out I had to be main cashier. I ended up getting taken off but it was so busy that I had to cut my lunch break short. So much for me sitting around. I did however enjoy a lovely dinner with my parents. My last home cooked meal for a while. Remember how I was putting off packing? Well, I finished...today. Uh, I was supposed to make time to see all my friends but by the time everything was done it was already 10:30 at night. At least I gotta hang out with Kaitlyn, Logan and Rosina at Ro's house. Logan made me my present it was a robotic but demon looking mickey mouse. Super radical. I'll post a picture later. The end off the night was the cherry on top of the cake though. As it was time to leave I was pulling out of the driveway, complimenting the brand new song playing in the car, when I heard a big BANG. STUPID, MINDLESS, AIRHEAD. I had just hit the car behind me. Go figure. My first instinct was to drive away and pretend like nothing happened. Unfortunately, I would feel to bad and the damage was really bad. Huge dent by the front tire. I rammed the ram as Kaitlyn and I would put it. After an immeasurable amount of crying I called my mom and she helped me through it. She is still pretty upset with me for being a dummy but it is my fault for not looking behind me. What a perfect ending to a new beginning.

We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get.

I am starting to dread waking up. Every time I wake up means another day has gone by. Another day closer to waking up away from home. I wish I could just slow time down and just take everything in. Those empty boxes in my room are becoming more full with clothes and food. My floor seems to be disappearing on me. The only thing I had looking forward to was the fact that my going away "party" was tonight. I waited for the time to pass so that I could just be with my friends. The first guest to arrive was Patty, she brought me ice cream cake. She knows me too well. We sat in my cluttered room while I read the note she made for me which mentioned a lot of things we've been through. Thank God for waterproof eyeliner. As we walk downstairs my mom comes in with big bags a food. What am I going to do without her. I love her so much. Rosina then came holding up a radical picture frame with some pictures of us over the summer. I laughed at mine and Rosina's mud masked face. I picked up the rest of the crew; Athena, Ryan and Kaitlyn. We sat around in my basement and basically hung out. Just like old times. Kaitlyn got me a super awesome lamp with all the colours of a rainbow and a book on vampire rehab. Athena got me a lamp (that was green by the way) and a clock that was water powered. I think that was probably the weirdest but most interesting thing I had ever been given but I love it. Anyways we played Nintendo Wii and ate junk food all night. Logan even stopped by for a bit and gave me a swan made out of ticket stubs. I actually like it a lot. You can say its "made from the heart". After everyone left I cleaned the basement one plate and gift at a time with tears rolling down my face. I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of everyone. I'm going to miss every single person. My parents, my friends, my siblings, my pets. These are the people who made me who I am and the people who have been there for me through thick and thin.

This is a lesson in procrastination.

I'm looking at my room wondering if these empty boxes will pack themselves. Four days until I move and packing is really the last thing I'm worried about. I'm more concerned about how I'm moving without any money. I'm worried about my friends. Worried about being alone. That is probably one of my greatest fears; being alone. I even shudder just thinking about it. What if I become lonely? It seems that college is full of what ifs. What if I fail? What if I don't find any friends? I'm at a stepping stone in my life that seems like a big leap.